march madness

it’s going to be march 1st, 2004 in a bit and that means it’ll be about three more months until graduation.

in those three months, i’m supposed to…
make plans for what to do afterwards
figure out what to do with my life
find a job
do all the things that you’re supposed to do in college that i never got around to
and so on…

all on top of reading, studying, papers, projects, midterms, and what not.

i guess adding “chasing girls” into that list would fuck shit up.

there’s this sense of urgency that i really hate. i put it upon myself, with a little bit of help from my parents and society in general.

rush rush rush…

friends of mine who graduated last year said to me last night that your first job is a crapshoot and so you shouldn’t be too picky.

i’m not a picky person but i don’t want to end up in a job that drains my soul, steals my time, and makes you feel worse at the end of the day.

but i will probably end up in that situation anyway. i just hope i realize when to get out of it until it’s too late, when i have to depend on something i hate in order to survive.

that doesn’t make any sense.

my dad called today and he sounded worried. about my job hunting and stuff. i feel that he thinks i’m just dicking around about it and that i’m not taking it seriously. btw, i’ve written about four or five cover letters in the past week. he told me about all people who were getting jobs or internships, going to great grad schools, etc etc. that left me feeling quite inadequate with what i’ve been doing in the past four years.

then again, i sometimes think that myself.

i guess it’s because i’m going to end up with two degrees that don’t really fit my demographic. cognitive science. linguistics. what the hell. i get that a lot.

a lot of my parents’ friends are either engineers, programmers, doctors, or financial something or other. same with the kids. where are the poets, writers, musicians, world class chefs, and porn stars?

when you grow up thinking the professions mentioned above as the only successful ones, it’s hard to break out of the mold.

i guess my parents want more bang for their buck.

damn, this was just one huge ass ramble.

$1000 on red.


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