when’s the last time you

August 31, 2002

when’s the last time you thought to yourself “hey, this world ain’t so bad afterall?”


it’s a mess.

August 28, 2002

it’s a mess.


temptation. temptation to desire more.

August 26, 2002

temptation.
temptation to desire more.
to desire more than being content.
being content is not enough, you want more.
you want to embrace a warm body when you go to sleep and when you wake up.
you wake up and no one is there.
no one is there.


school starts tomorrow. my schedule

August 25, 2002

school starts tomorrow. my schedule blows. i bet i’ll have to drop something.

i saw all these innocent faces on freshmen who have no idea what they’re going to get into…

to ward off the impending doom, i will continue to listen to my music very very loud.


where is all your old

August 23, 2002

where is all your old computer junk? probably here. it’s ironic to see the past being ravaged by the waste of the future. what’s being done about this?


i’m tired. but in a

August 23, 2002

i’m tired. but in a good way. tired in the “i’m exhausted from doing something that was fun” way. not tired as in “damn, i worked my ass off just now” or “i stayed up all night thinking about depressing shit.” i went to the beach. met people i didn’t know. but whatever. jon is cool because he gave me a ride and can light a bonfire. i cannot light a bonfire. instead of spending my childhood in the woods, i spent my childhood in the back of my mom’s restaurant watching TV and reading books. beaches make me feel good especially at night. there’s water, sand, air, and fire really close to each other. primal.

i love the feeling of digging my feet into warm sand.

there was this chick on loveline who’s addicted to sucking things. it started off with her thumbs, then popsicles, then to yeah, you should know. she said she wouldn’t mind if her bf was eating dinner while she was doing it. she’s also an import model. damn, where are these girls?

the new coldplay album blows me away.


i signed up for another

August 22, 2002

i signed up for another class last night. 20 units. thinking of double majoring in cogsci & math. ling minor? maybe. paranoid response to the worries of my parents and myself. realized “whoa, in two years, i have to deal with the future.” deep down, i know it’s not true…people spend a few years figuring out what they want to do after college but it’s still scary. on one hand, i want to study my ass off (probably at the expense of a more fulfilling social life) which will lead to a reasonable career so that i won’t have to worry. on the other hand, i just want to go with whatever i had planned before, live life (party hard!), and then figure out something from there. that means poverty for a while. (sighs)

some tell me to do whatever you enjoy and figure out something from there. others (like my parents) tell me to do something that makes ends meet (even if it’s something that you’re not complete into) because life is more about security and comfort. gah. i guess the answer is to find a nice mix.

i think that since my parents have never heard of cognitive science (they’d rather have me be an english major), it scares them. they can’t tell their friends what i’m studying. perhaps i should tell them that i’m pursuing how to computationally model a human brain. maybe.

i wouldn’t have to worry about all this if i actually did look like Brad Pitt.

numbing oneself with apathy just to get through the workday is detrimental to the creative soul. – akuma from GR forums